If you were born in the 50's or 60's and you knew about the real life story of Siong (not her real name) you might be too scared to get married.
 |
| Photo from Google. Siong's mother could have been dressed like this when she came to Sibu, only to be sold off to a Malay man. |
Siong was adopted during the war time because her China born mother was the third wife of a Malay landlord. In those days, many Chinese girls were "sold" to wealthy men who could afford to buy them especially by their gambling fathers or even gambling husbands.
So little Siong was one of those quietly given to a childless couple without the knowledge of the Malay "Abang" because the young mother could not look after so many babies when the Japanese bombs started to fall in Sibu.
Siong was a very alert kind of baby girl who was able to tell her adopted mother that she was even aware that she was left behind when the bombs came and how her mother and siblings and other adults fled into the jungle nearby. After a whole day they came back and she was still alive but very hungry. Siong had later told people that she was fate to be a survivor since then.
Siong was secretly given away when her mother gave birth again. while the war was still raging.
Her adopted mother knew who her biological parents were but they kept quiet about it and told her only much later. The post war years were difficult but Siong was able to grow with enough food to eat. Her adopted parents treated her fairly well and she had an adopted brother.
When the ill fate Siong was 16, Siong's adopted father passed away and her adopted mother decided to marry her off to the first suitor who came to ask for her. When she refused her mother beat her up. Siong finally agreed to marry the man 10 years older than her and she went to live in the pepper garden. Her adopted mother had told her that she was lucky to be going to have a family with pepper garden and three bowls of rice to eat. Her adopted mother could not believe that Siong had been thrown into a fiery hell. the old fashioned adoptive mother said that it was her fate to be dutiful to her husband be be loyal to her mother in law.
She was to give birth to 9 children, and she did not know then what contraception was all about. She had left her religion behind. With only 4 years of education in a Roman Catholic school she had learned sewing and embroidery as an apprentice from the age of 12. In fact she was very aware that she was bringing in good money for her adopted mother. Having to work in the pepper garden more than 10 hours a day prevented her from doing any sewing which she loved.
Married life was not smooth for Siong. In the family she was not even called by her name.
her mother in law called her "Biu Jii" or "Bitch" a very derogatory name given to a woman who had earned no respect for another one. When she could not wake up early enough in the morning due to exhaustion from work and nursing her baby and other children, her mother in law accused her of luring her husband to stay in bed. So she had to be up and about by 4.30 am every morning to cook, wash clothes by the river and feed the pigs before sending the children to school.
It was common for older women to call other women they did not like "Biu Jii", n fact good Foochow women won't even dare to mention the words.
Siong was to plant more than 1000 pepper vines, buy TV for the parents in law, help her husband to buy pigs to start a pig farm.
when neighbours and relatives came to visit, her mother in law would shout out loud, "Biu Jii, Biu Jii, come and do something. Don't be lazy. Don't hide around."
All the neighbours knew how cruel her mother in law was to her but she carried out her life mission of being a good mother to her 9 children, whom she carried on the back to school every day. She made cakes for her children to bring to school to sell, while they would have left overs and some cold rice and salted fish for snacks.
Later she was to start selling noodles when the political situation was bad for the village and she could not harvest her pepper.
Her mother in law passed away after her youngest child was school going age, while her father in law lived a longer life, bed ridden, and very ill. She was the one who saw to it that her father in law was looked after well until the very last day. Not long after that her own husband passed away peacefully and she had some relief and release.
This was the testimony of a good woman who said that even though she was brought to this world by a China born mother, her fate was so turbulent in her younger days but she survived. She lived with her mother in law for more than 25 years.
Although a church group had tried to help her, she was strong enough to be on her own. She eventually became a cook and gained proper employment with a good salary.
She said, " I am from a Chinese mother born in China, I was adopted by a working mother who used me to do housework for 15 years and then I was forced into marriage to stay with a mother in law from hell who did not respect me. Today I am a mother of 9 children and a mother in law too. I only want to do good so that I can be protected by my Heavenly father whom I shall meet one day."
(This story was told by Siong to the writer several years ago. I thank her for her courage to live on and to tell her own story. )
No comments:
Post a Comment